“man i have to pee a lot recently…i’m like growing up.”
Nathan, age 21.
You gotta have sweet in the morning. That’s what a donut is, a big ball of sweet.
Nathan is upset we had bagels two Fridays in a row.
“Kids are weird. They’re like, dumb!”
Nathan’s take on the underdeveloped brains of children. Today was bring your kid to work day.
“The tops of my buttcheeks are cold.”
It has been an unseasonably cold April so far.
“That’s not real, it’s like a robot. It’s so weird that that thing is real and it has a brain and it thinks.”
That’s not nice, Nathan, it’s just a frightened panda.
“It’s like me playing with my seventh-grade self.”
I should clarify: He was talking about a musical instrument.
“I hate sitting on the toilet without pulling my pants down.”
… followed shortly after by “Sitting on this makes me want to go to the bathroom.”
“I can’t smell farts. Once you’ve lived as Nathan Johnson, you don’t smell any farts but your own.”
I don’t ever want to live as Nathan Johnson.
“Gosh. I love eating. It’s awesome. There’s no stress. Plus, if you eat with people, you get to hang out and eat.”
Nathan is one of those guys that likes eating so much, he might do it a couple times a day.
“Puh-chased. Poh-tected. Puh-chased. Puh-chased. Poh-tected. I think I’m like … I’m starting to hallucinate.”
Breathe deep, NJ. It will all be over soon.